03 . 24 Hour Party People

By the time our tatty convoy had nosed round the rural lanes of Cheshire me and Em were flying. I had this big smile on my face that I couldn’t get rid of, and leaning so close against Nick didn’t seem so awkward any more. We were all friends after all, going on a big adventure, our little family in our old Fiesta, on our way to a totally new kind of holiday camp. Neil had the stereo on loud and was jigging about in the front seat, peering out the windscreen into the dark, directing Trev towards our destination, past the odd cottage with a light still on, maybe for a kid’s security in the dark, or a couple still up, arguing. They all floated by and we were in a spaceship; four to the floor beats thumping in our chests and tunes buzzing in our ears and boring deep into our brains. I smiled on, felt for Em’s hand against the seat and held on tight.

Eventually Neil turned the volume down and the crunch of our wheels on gravel told us we’d be getting out soon. Em let go of my hand so she could turn to peer out of the back window. I wiped my palm on my jeans, and grinned round at Nick.

“Bloody hell there’s, like, a million cars here!” Em announced. “And about a thousand more following us in. That’s so cool.”

I twisted round to see the line of headlights stretched out of the entrance to the car park and glittering down the road. She was right.

We bounced up a grass bank and stopped, piled out of the car and looked around. The air was still warm and I could smell cut grass and cowshit. Em automatically started snuffling with her hayfever beside me. Trev was pulling his drugs out of his pocket now he was off duty. I knew that meant we weren’t going to be driving anywhere for at least six hours; he was responsible like that. He quickly poked a pill out of the bag with his finger and washing it down with a swig of water. He made a face and spoke to no one in particular.

“Eurgh, you can tell they’re proper good when they taste that bad.”

He sat back down in the driving seat with his legs out the door, pulled one shoe off and started poking his stash down into a pristine white sports sock. He stopped and looked up at me watching him.

“Have you done this with yours Clare? Just in case. Or I’ve heard that some girls put it in their bra. But I wouldn’t know about that.”

I laughed, and I didn’t really want to be like ‘some girls’ so I quickly followed suit, easing a Converse One Star off my right foot without undoing the laces, and slipping the whizz we had left towards my sole. When I put the trainer back on I could feel the sharp plastic corners of the bag stick snug into my instep. I hopped about to the powerful bass I could feel coming from somewhere hidden, reassuring myself that it wasn’t going anywhere.

“Don’t know if you’ll want any of that Em, after she’s been dancing for a couple of hours,” Neil called over from where he was standing, and Nick, next to him, smiled at the joke. I did too but I was a bit embarrassed, and wished I had put it in my bra after all.

* * *

We went in then and I don’t think I can tell you exactly what it was like, but it was brilliant so I’m going to try so you can get a bit of an idea.

It was dark immediately we got inside, and the music was still loud but muffled under a duvet of rock between us. I felt my way past candles stuck on the flat bits and the ground next to the walls of the cave, trying to miss the flickering hot with my feet, using my palm on the flat rock to guide me remind me which way was upright, my pupils not knowing which depth to focus, trying not to stare with droplets of flame below and to the side mouth open with the concentration of it all, amused, giggling to myself and then stopping, taking stock and straightening out, concentrated on getting further finding something anything to get away from the hecticness in there, smell of weed and stumbling down a step into a space where someone had run wires to lightbulbs in wire cages on the walls, mattresses on the floor and an old bus seat, guy with his top off and tucked into his waistband, skinhead wiry, tattoos, talking about how his mate found Buddhism and it sorted him out, smacking his lips and touching someone’s arm, sighing, slip with difficulty down to sit on a mattress staring at the glittering walls. Someone turns round and says hello, you gaze at them, unused to talking, open yr mouth, close it again, nod and surprise yourself with hearing the first word “Hiya,” coming out of you. They all shift together in a wave and let you in, someone says “you having a good time” and it’s not a question but a statement, with a little laugh, and you smile yes, grateful gasp “Yeah” your eyes are wider than you thought they’d go, someone moves up and wants you to sit up close to them you do it so they feel good and are surprised how good it feels for you too, lick yr lips, staring round to see what they do, you’re leaning up against the guy next to you and it feels great, you lean a little firmer to get more of you in contact with him, think about looking for yr lipsalve, forget, stroke yr pockets and think you’ve lost everything, feel again, hear yr zip so loud you think yr annoying everyone, shuffle around to feel each pocket, give up, listen to the conversation. This butch girl opposite you has got bleached white hair, she’s talking loudly and fast about the nuns in her primary school making her scrub floors “Bitches” she says “ always thinking about punishing you, and cleaning floors”. She’s wearing combat pants with braces over her bare nipples and she’s skinning up, you stare at her skin, brown and taut, her muscles and the beautiful tattoos on her arms and on her chest, she’s one of those people you see around and you know her vaguely but she’s so super cool you never thought you’d get to speak to her, but you’re speechless, you’re in awe, suddenly you imagine yourself here in this place and what your Mum would think, you giggle a little and snuffle, the guy next to you he moves round and behind you rubs your shoulders says “How’s that eh?” It’s good, you rub back like a feline, demanding more he moves his fingers up your neck and into your hair gently gathers his hand together and every follicle responds, delicious shivers rush across your skull, you’re amazed you feel this good, turn to him nod, yes, he signals that you should do the same to him, so you do then maybe you get bored suddenly you stumble up and go to find your mates, they’re in different rooms doing much the same thing, at some point you find yourself in a group dancing your little heart out, looking across at each other, tripping off your friendship and how close you feel this little posse all yours is right now .. this is life, this is how it should be and Em touches your arm and she signals you should have some more speed you stop moving your feet stand there with your head and your shoulders still swinging right then left then right it’s so right, take the wrap out of your sock remembering the joke Neil made earlier but you don’t care now and you take turns to wet a finger tip and rub the bitter stuff into your gums then lick the last dust off the paper and throw it on the floor, light up a cigarette with tingling delirious hands, drag deep and start dancing again ..